helenvalentina

image credit: newscenter.sdsu.edu

So, to be honest, I’m kind of in two minds at the moment.

Some may argue I’m rarely in my own mind, or right mind, but that’s another story, LOL…..

It’s almost a year since I started this blog (about a month off that anniversary). When I started it was to find an outlet for poetry and musing but also as a promotional tool for the publishing of three novels I’d written years ago and only recently dusted off and modernised. The first two of these – The Seed and Curiosity – are now published. So New Year’s Resolution almost achieved I guess…but…

But…the indie writing world is hard. I don’t need to tell you that – most of you are pursuing this and know this already. I’m in awe of the talent, perseverance and generosity of the WordPress world and the indie writer ‘family’. And I love all the people I’ve met here – great new friends made who I hope will be friends for life. And I don’t regret publishing my novels – I’m very proud of them and it’s just wild to have them published as paperbacks I can hold in my hands.

But…there is the third novel from the time I originally wrote…… I’ve had it professionally edited, like the others. It’s ready to go if I want to start the publishing road again. But…I don’t know…I’m in two minds about it…

OR maybe more than two minds.

First, it would be nice to see it also published. Even if it only gains a small readership that’s probably better than it gathering dust, so to speak, as it has done for years. So that would be good.

But second, the experience of publishing has been one of great highs and lows. It’s very expensive to do it the way I have, and I don’t have time or even the talent/technique to do it differently. And I’m still waiting on the email campaign for the video promotion of The Seed after six months, so I’ve kind of lost heart of it even working when it does occur.

And third, my editor thinks I should try traditional publishing. She thinks I’d have a good chance with that – but who knows? Perhaps that is the better thing to try – or try first anyway – for the third novel. I just…don’t…know…

So I may end up doing nothing at all with it, particularly given how busy my day job is now and will be for the foreseeable future.

The third novel – Denial – is perhaps (in my opinion) the most emotionally resonant book I’ve ever written. It’s more like The Seed than Curiosity, but it is lighter and more dialogue driven than the heavy introspection of my first novel.

It is about love, loss, self-identity and self worth, family histories and ultimately redemption. I ‘feel’ it much more than the other work, so one side of me says for that reason alone I should pursue publishing it. The other side kind of wants to protect it a bit, and maybe that exposes the real underbelly of the indie publishing experience as I’ve experienced it. As it has felt to me, which may be very different to how it feels to others…..but something like being a bit exposed and vulnerable and very easy to hurt….

So, I don’t know. As I said, I’m in at least two minds. I could try pitching it to publishers first and only think of the indie route if that fails (and let’s face it, it’s hardly easy to get traditionally published!!!!). But my editor is a professional in her field so I value and respect her opinion so if she thinks it might work perhaps I should take her advice.

Have other indie authors felt this ambivalence at about this stage of things? Do you vacillate about indie or traditional publishing, or about publishing at all?  I’ve been debating this issue in my head for weeks now since the editing was finished and I…still…don’t…know……

Any thoughts would be welcome. It may help me make up my mind (or minds!!! 🙂 )

Cheers

Helen V