A strange pirouette
A moment of discordance
The dancer breaks ranks
This crawling instinct
Disturbs not the zen master’s
Meditation zone
On the brink of sleep
Sharp noise from another room
Wakes to alertness
Concentrate deeply
Even the song of sirens
Cannot you disturb.
© Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved
helenvalentina 
Excellent.
Tim
Thank you! 🙂
I love the poem. However, the inverted phrases in S2L2 and S4L3 leave me a little flat. They seem archaic unless that is what you are after. I read through three times and stumbled on those each time. For me, they break the pace of an otherwise beautiful poem. (But that’s just me. Take anything I suggest with a small heaping of salt.) It’s still WAY better than most I see. Regards, Dave.
Thank you for the feedback. This was bit of a writing exercise for me so it is useful to hear if anything jars. I was aiming for contrast rather than anything else. 🙂
As stated, I really like the poem. As an exercise, this is a great start. 😉
Beautiful! 😉
Thank you! 🙂
I love this! I like to visualize when reading a poem, and you’ve definitely allowed me to do that with this. You’ve written the third verse perfectly. I’ve been there when I’m almost asleep and something or someone wakes me suddenly only to try to get back to my slumber. Nicely done!
Thank you so much, very much appreciated!:)