Falling To The Floor

The penitent

The penitent (Photo credit: Stitch)

Suspended in this cold hereafter
Robbed of sight, of sound, of laughter
Brooding, waiting for a sign from others
Passing here before
In such caverns, thoughts residing
Ancient gods are here presiding
Weighing sins to find me wanting,
Falling to the floor

In my life so quickly lost now
All my choices made me somehow
Lesser than the person that I would
Have thought before
Are our sins so pure and pressing
No forgiveness and no blessing
Saves us from our lost confessing, cutting
To the core?

Hear my bitter truth while living
Less of greed and more of giving
May be all it takes to lift you, up above
This dirty floor
If your heart can heed this calling
Then escape this awful falling
Lost and broken, far past hope now
Crashing to the floor

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All rights Reserved

This is a bit of an homage to Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven, which I love for its haunting quality and unusual rhyming pattern which I’ve partially approximated here.

About helenvalentina

Like most people, I have a number of sides to me. The most interesting one probably emerges through my writing, hence this blog. I love to read, and also to write, and so this is a way to share both.
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14 Responses to Falling To The Floor

  1. Brian Hughes says:

    This is what happens when you trip over cats.

  2. Mike says:

    After reading your postscript I realised that I had read it at a vaguely similar tempo as The Raven – I cannot explain this in any other terms but that you succeeded in your tribute from the outset.

  3. words4jp says:

    Wonderful. Mike is right. I love the rhythm. It has been some time since read EAP. I think I must dig up a few pieces…

  4. Villanueva says:

    I believe that picture was shot in the Philippines during Lenten season, am I correct? as usual I loved the poem, well written helen πŸ˜€

  5. monocochlearmutineer says:

    As I absorbed your rhyme and rhythm
    Such a perfect cataclysm
    I half-expected Edgar Allen to come knocking
    On my door…

    Amazingly well done.

  6. wonderfully done tribute:)

  7. Cubby says:

    Yeah, I have to agree with everyone else. I immediately thought of Poe upon reading this. Loved it.

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