Someone To Watch Over Me

Strapped down I am only completely aware of the lethal grasp of restraints, scratching as though alive, on my skin. He says, you will feel great energy and pain, just for a moment. You must bite down on the cloth in your mouth. Oh I know, it will taste of hopelessness, of death, of straw and loss. He says you will then feel release, into a dream. Or a nightmare, but let us hope it is a dream. I don’t want to answer, can’t. Beyond this moment I know the next steps, realising I’ve traversed this path before. Over that sickly, savage rainbow. He’s silent now. So it comes and …it is excrutiating..of course. It is also nothing, nothingness. I am beyond myself, fractured across the cosmos, starting to feel something else, something new, but still familiar. A song is playing in my head as he seems to take my hand. I’ve forgotten why I should be afraid, it seems only a lullaby now.. ‘Oh how I need…’  I fall into the endless, bleeding night….’ someone to watch over me….’

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

About Helen

I'm drawn to blogging as a way to share ideas and consider what makes us who we are. Whether it's in our working life or our creativity, expression is a means to connect.
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11 Responses to Someone To Watch Over Me

  1. Annie says:

    If this isn’t a new book yet, it should be!

  2. Helen….. wow…. this brought so memories back to me with my own experiences with PTSD, dissociation, mind control, ritual abuse stuff…. been a very long time since I’ve seen someone who’s gone through similar things. Very heartfelt post you’ve created and I can only hope that you’re in a safer place now. Hugs to you dear one….

    • Thank you so mucn Roxi – I’m so sorry to hear you’ve gone through this. I actually haven’t but a close friend of mine has, and having heard her story I researched it alot. I can think of little that is more evil than the perpetrators of this, often generational, abuse. I write about it sometimes to try to raise awareness of it in my own small way – most people would be totally horrified to hear about it, and I think often dismiss it because it is too much to comprehend, so perhaps delivering the message in poetry or prose helps. I hope you are ok, safe now and have got the support needed to come through this. 🙂

      • Oh I’m just ducky…. I have my ‘down’ times with memories flooding in…etc., but for the most part I handle things very well considering and am highly functional. Yes… generational is correct in my case. So much so that I became a peer counselor to help ritual abuse survivors… also ordained as a spiritual counselor…. is what I do when I’m not doing my full time work as a Computer Engineer! whew! Anyway… I’m very familiar with how difficult the topic is for people who’ve never experienced or heard of such atrocities. Awareness is a good thing… if it helps just one person it will be worth it. 😉

  3. rawencounterswithestella says:

    Whew, gave me chills.

  4. semiblind says:

    Wow. This one grabbed me. I’ve read it several times. Very powerful stuff!

  5. Chatty Owl says:

    So powerful. So strong. Makes you feel the dusty cloth in your mouth. Well done.

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