Bad Influence

Emotion Hidden Deep Down

Emotion Hidden Deep Down (Photo credit: Megyarsh)

I was so quiet and secure
No passion troubled me
Perhaps lived hidden and obscure
Just the way that it should be
You were wild and unpredictable
And yet you looked at me
You looked at me

I sought not to possess or own
Comfortable in my skin
And while some sins I might atone
No guilt traversed within
You seemed at first exotic, kind
Not bathed in blood and sin
In blood and sin

I strayed so far within my mind
Different person I became
And you grew cool, no longer kind
More infamy than fame
Bad influence, too late I saw
So caught within your game
Within your game

Emerged at last from this travail
I barely know my face
I’ve journeyed far, too many miles
To some forsaken place
Your mark upon me but a scar
Of gentleness no trace
No trace

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Fire, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

You Could Call Me Confused If You Like – for Prompt 17 – Optimist Pessimist Realist

English: Bust of the god Janus, Vatican museum, .

English: Bust of the god Janus, Vatican museum, . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the morning I see attention
With a warm, benign conceit
By midday it’s a presage
Of competition and defeat
By evening it reminds me
There’s still much left to complete

In the days when sun is shining
I feel goodness on its way
But there’s no real silver lining
When the clouds roll through today
Still by evening in the starlight
I know it’s just another day

I’m like Janus – but three-headed
And the first will wear a smile
The second’s more pig-headed
She’ll distrust you for a while
But the third is more pragmatic
It’s just always been her style

One face looks to the horizon
For adventures there to find
One face resolutely centred
Thinking all the rest are blind
But the other just is laughing
Leaving all the rest behind

I’m one part optimism
Like a smile on a child’s face
Lurking here though pessimism
Is demanding of its place
But it’s when I touch reality
I know the world’s real grace

But it’s when I touch reality
I know the world’s real grace

© Helen Valentina 201, All Rights Reserved

 

For mindlovemisery’s Prompt 17 on optimism, pessimism and realism – see her wonderful work and be inspired by her great prompts every week at http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com

 

 

Posted in Air, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Temptation

Temptation of Christ

Temptation of Christ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been my forty days in the wilderness
Felt his breath so soft and warm against my cheek
Urging me to offerings, bidding that I speak
Of things forgotten, things secret and things lost
But my words are parched, my throat it is too dry
From so many days under unrelenting sky
It seems he’s chosen badly
It seems indeed that I
Am too desolate to try

My understanding weak and my intellect’s too cold
For even desert sun to find its warmth in me
I carry my own shackles, they will not set me free
From my memories, my choices and their cost
I am but a simple beggar waiting on a distant lord
For but the merest glance or a single, kindly word
But it seems I swore my fealty
Upon a broken sword
So I’m ignored

And still his whispered words breathe temptation to my soul
He speaks now of a path, still allowed to me
The riches of the world as far as I can see
Things we’ve desired, things we’ve coveted the most
And I’ve already lost all my hope that I’d be saved
He says it fits me well, just behave as I’d behave
Just to be his dancing fool
On this road of gold he’s paved
To my grave

© Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Fire, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Secret Smile

My secret smile
flowers in silence
No-one can see

My secret smile
lasts but a moment’s
brevity

My secret smile
tells of such truths
the world can’t know

My secret smile
belongs only to me
and I will not show

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Air, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

True Colours

Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait (Photo credit: nathangibbs)

Paint the canvas black and red
Fire and brimstone, I’ll approve
Through it all some splash of white
Deeper lacks here to remove

Draw true colours from the pit
See as though through demon eyes
Nowhere fit for blue or green
Softer tones are here despised

Ochre and dull orange may
Join with sharper, primary hues
This self-portrait you create
Be not subtle in your clues

Paint the canvas red and black
Use true colours, mark this well
No inhibitions you hold back
Show us all your path to hell

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Fire, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Facing One’s Fears…..

A masked face in the crowd (IMG_3789)

A masked face in the crowd (IMG_3789) (Photo credit: Alaskan Dude)

OK, they say facing your fears is good for you. Let’s hope so!

Today I do something which many of you do happily and without thought often – as celebration, as memories, as fun – but for me it is a fear verging on the phobic.

Today I go to get my photograph taken. (shudder)

By a professional photographer – as I hope that has the best chance of avoiding the worst excesses of my terrible lack of photogenic qualities. I do it for the sake of my writing and promoting my writing. It seems it is pretty much essential to show your face to the world on sites like Facebook and Goodreads, and probably also on book marketing sites more generally, so I must overcome a lifetime of photo aversion and play along….

I have – successfully but with some difficulty nonetheless – resisted the temptation to buy a mask to use or a wig to wear….

The photographer has assured me he has Photoshop abilities to help with anything too disturbing – I think I frightened him a bit with how emphatic I was about how I am not photogenic..LOL…so let’s hope he is right about his skill in that regard.  Still I don’t think anything is going to turn me into a supermodel  (except that mask and wig idea…..)

Trust me – I am NOT photogenic. The camera does not love me. I think it actually dislikes me with the same passion that I fear it right back. And what’s worse than the output generally?  The people who say ‘oh that’s a nice photo’ as though it actually looks like me!!! And well it might I suppose, but I am in complete, utter and happy denial about that and I intend to stay right there…I know what I look like when I look at the right angle, under the right lighting, in the mirror..and it is NOT how I look in photos…LOL so I really don’t like thinking people think the photos look good – that’s almost more traumatic than seeing them in the first place, LOL!

So…this is a trauma and a trial, but a necessary one. I shall hopefully find some that work for me and don’t disturb me quite as much as others, and those are the ones I will use. So, in a few weeks time when I have the final proofs you may see the face behind the dragon, so to speak.

If so, be kind. 🙂 🙂

Cheers Helen V

Posted in Conversation, Fire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 61 Comments

Hunger

Within starvation’s eyes
so many years
desert bound and lost,
he fed on little more
than approbation and applause
Displaying his frail skeleton
like artwork
Saying ‘this is me, come feast
on shrivelled skin and carcass
masquerading as delight’
And none to feed his hunger
Relentless, hidden
Waiting, trapdoor spider,
for such innocence
to pass and provide sweet sustenance
to deeper and to darker needs
than were ever brought to light

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Earth, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Casanova

English: Alessandro Longhi (1733-1813) portrai...

English: Alessandro Longhi (1733-1813) portrait of Giacomo Casanova, found at http://www.giacomo-casanova.de/artists.htm, in public domain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The flights of fancy
From your eyes
Flirtatious and intense
Then cool attention
Mimics ice
As fire of passion relents

These games you play
So intricate
Like chess, a structured strategy
Are but your cards
Used to relate
To delve within the heart of me

Oh Casanova
You may cry
Imprisoned or beleaguered be
Yet in your arms
We all will lie
Turn infamy to history

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Fire, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Request

Forest

Forest (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn_BE_BACK_IN_SEPTEMBER)

 

Would you be my friend here and stay
Make my pain and my fears go away?
I’ve been lost for all of today
Today

Would you hold my hand for a while
Soothe confusion softly and smile?
I’ve been in darkness for such a while
A while

Would you kiss me soft on the cheek
Listen to me though I can’t speak?
I’ve been dead for over a week
A week

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Air, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

The Fortune Teller

Bartolomeo Manfredi - Gypsy Fortune Teller - W...

Bartolomeo Manfredi – Gypsy Fortune Teller – WGA13926 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Her room so dark and small
I am quite lost
Within it all

I sit so quiet, meek
I fear she has
A crueller streak

She eyes me like a prize
As though I
Realise

Her cards are worn and old
From divinations
Told

I came to seek, to heal
To make the shadows
Real

But fortune has it’s way
I can’t control
This day

She turns the cards and smiles
And waits a
Little while

Then says the words I fear
The ones I
Cannot hear

And yet the die is cast
My future from
My past

A lost demonic friend
May yet return
Again

She smirks as though to say
You knew this anyway
You knew this anyway……

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Air, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments