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In dreams I return to the schoolyard
Call them nightmares perhaps
That is more fitting
For I never dream of gentler times
Of childhood friends
Indeed my mind wanders
To the fights and schemes and broken dreams
That formed me more than I can tell
Those days in the schoolyard like some hell
That burnishes and brands you
For all time

Again I am but an awkward teen
Caught somewhere in between
The life I would lead and the life I knew
To be the sum of all my choices
Childish, stupid, whining voices
In my head and in my heart
This proper place to start

So many years ago you would think
I would have let this litany go
All the victories of life
The vanquishing of adult foes
Should have let me know
How to let this go
But I remember who I was
The truth behind my adult eyes
And so I find with dull surprise
That in this schoolyard I reside
It cannot be denied

(c) Helen Valentina 2019