Too Sweet for Prompt 74 The Hollow Men by TS Elliot

Image credit: Richard Keeling

Image credit: Richard Keeling

I have stepped across this threshold
Mr Devil I can see you
In that shrunken blackened doorway
See your bony hand there beckoning
Like a tide returning to the beach
I hear your slyly sibilant, silent speech
Making promises, and beguiling me, too sweet, too sweet

Moments ago it seemed I floated
On such a red river of my making
Swirls of scarlet colouring transparency
Water-borne such acts of wilfulness
A true and so inviolate choice
To my sickened soul comes another voice
Dried leaves falling in these autumn days too sweet, too sweet

I am witness to such truth now
Such as they whispered in their huddled halls
On this barren shore you fashion
Out of sticks and stones and even bones
Your expectations, so that you meet
The thing you most believe you’ll greet
And for me it must be nothingness, too sweet, too sweet

But still I’ve stepped across the threshold
Drawing angels down like fireflies
Beating wings above me, far too celestial
They just flicker in the lamplight
I’m realising now I can’t belong
But my drowning needs are far too strong
So my soul’s just stuffing, filling voids too sweet, too sweet

(c) Helen Valentina 2014, All Rights Reserved

For mindlovemisery’s prompt at: http://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2014/09/28/prompt-74-the-hollow-men-t-s-elliot/

What a treat to have as inspiration one of the greatest poems of all time. Of course, one can’tΒ presume to ever reach its brilliance, but the landscape of existence – if such exists – after death is a profound concept and a terrifyingly wonderful one too.Β  πŸ™‚

Oh,and I had to use the same image as she did – it’s brilliant and perfect for both the original poem and anything it might inspire.

About helenvalentina

Like most people, I have a number of sides to me. The most interesting one probably emerges through my writing, hence this blog. I love to read, and also to write, and so this is a way to share both.
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12 Responses to Too Sweet for Prompt 74 The Hollow Men by TS Elliot

  1. Excellent I knew you would write something brilliant from this great poem. The repetition works wonderfully well.

  2. I am with Michael Helen I knew you’d knock this out of the park and you really have, your imagery is brilliant!

  3. The hollow Men is my favorite poem of all time. Yours may be second

  4. J says:

    And how that devil hisses throughout the poem, “I hear your slyly sibilant, silent speech / Making promises, and beguiling me, too sweet, too sweet”. I was also REALLY struck by “Drawing angels down like fireflies / Beating wings above me, far too celestial / They just flicker in the lamplight”. Very nicely drawn. πŸ™‚

  5. Pat says:

    Another wonderfully smashing piece as prompted by the prompt. It seems T.S. Elliot certainly has so many minds creatively collaborating in some form and fashion.

    Your form in this piece, with the repetition and absolutely absorbing lines really is tremendously exciting. Absolutely a treasure to read. πŸ™‚

  6. Bastet says:

    Well done a really great write here .. love the “slyly sibilant, silent speech” the repeating lines that give continuity to the poem … it gave me delightful shivers! Brava!

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