Hush, Did I Hear You Say…..?

Darkness falls

Darkness falls (Photo credit: the past tends to disappear)

I am the stuff of regret
Faded portraits in handmade books
Hidden from the light
Snippets of songs
Fleeing from the putrid
Memories of the night

I cannot kill my past with sleep…
I cannot beat it down, dead dog in the night…

I am words never spoken
Twisted smile always shrouded
I am the alleyways
And ash trays of life
The stolen liquor
Laced with opiate
Too much wretched pain
To truly obliterate

I cannot forget these petty, useless crimes…
I cannot crawl out of this primordial slime….

I am a carcas
Hung out to dry in the desert
Food for circling vultures
Make them ill with my innards
Desiccated soul
Crisp and flaking into nothing
Under the sun’s harsh eye

I cannot feel my excoriated heart…
 I cannot create you, nor redraft….

I am the creature forgotten
Terror of ancient memories
Ravening beast
Crying of endless pain
Presenting only as a threat.
I am the skulking lurker
Watching from dim shadows
Unable to sever
Chains of connection
That were chimeras at best
I am the infant demon
Suckling at an innocent mother’s breast

I am nothing and nobody..
A vagabond of the blackest soul….

I am an artist
Of familial misery
Wearing the clothing you gave
That one brief moment
You turned to smile at me
Now so many years later
I am the same, just the same
Only older
A photograph of a moment
Of stolen light
Faded but unable to change

I am lost, I am lost…
But I will never be gone….
And you will never be free of me….

(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved

About Helen

I'm drawn to blogging as a way to share ideas and consider what makes us who we are. Whether it's in our working life or our creativity, expression is a means to connect.
This entry was posted in Fire, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Hush, Did I Hear You Say…..?

  1. Brian Hughes says:

    Sounds like you’re having a bad day. Breathe deeply and watch Doctor Who. That’s always good advice.

  2. lala1966 says:

    Wow! Mind if I repost?

  3. lala1966 says:

    Reblogged this on Seasons Change, and so have I and commented:
    I can’t say enough about this bloggers poetry! It reaches deep into my soul and exposes past thoughts, hurts and emotions. So many of her poems remind me of where I have been. Please enjoy this piece and check out her other poetry as well. ♥

  4. jjspina says:

    Sounds like you need cheering up. I hope this cheers you. I have nominated you for another award – The Very Inspiring Blog Award on my blog at Congrats!

    • Thank you so much…that is certainly something to put a smile on my face! I may not have time to follow through the nomination rules but I really appreciate your kindness in nominating me!! 🙂 🙂

  5. Hope you are alright, Sweetie! I think you are awesome. Hugs!! xxxx

  6. Awesome words although painful, yet beautifully expressed.

  7. thegodspark says:

    When I read the first two lines I new that this would be my favorite poem of yours. I was right. I could just feel it. This poem is more than a poem- it has magic. It would make a great stand up poem!!! If you ever want to pursue that this is definitely a poem to read. You are so talented. I love this poem so much. It is so great!!!

  8. thegodspark says:

    😦 Didn’t read the other comments until now. No wonder I felt such a connection to this poem and that I thought that it would be great as a stand up poem- you drew from life experience. I know that it happened a long time ago but I just want you to know, soul to soul, I feel so much love and compassion for you right now. You are a great person and a wonderful friend 🙂 I am so sad that someone as wonderful as you was ever hurt in such a deep way. You certainly did not deserve it. But the experience certainly did not diminish your heart. You display it so easily to everyone. I think that you are so wonderful supporting so many WordPress authors by promoting their work. You are such a wonderful, accepting and encouraging friend. I am so glad to know you 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Thank you…I’ve got tears in my eyes now, that is so touching! I’m so glad to have you as a friend too! In some ways I feel sorry for the person who did this …I veer between thinking he has the soul of the pit and thinking he’s just a damaged person who was looking for a way to the light…will never really know. But thank you for your light, it is much appreciated! 🙂

      • thegodspark says:

        Thank you 🙂 🙂 🙂 I don’t know if this bit of insight is of any use to you but I tend to think very deeply about things. Especially painful things in order to get to the core and to understand them better. One of the big mysteries that I try to solve is why people hurt each other. I have lots of opinions about this subject in general. But specifically the other day an important understanding came to me. I had been reading a book that featured a character that got so much pleasure out of hurting women and it is like it unlocked something in my brain. I understood. I know what it is like to have been emotionally numb. A lot of people who get serious joy out of hurting others are severely detached or numbed to many of their emotions. It just clicked to me- they hurt others because their victims feel the emotions that they can’t and for a brief moment they feel so much more whole than they are use to feeling. They can’t feel vulnerability so the go to extremes to make others feel it. It is like a contact high. I know that there is a lot of other factors. Power is very often a big issue. Anyone who commits unnecessary violence has serious power issues- they feel like they have none so they do something to make them feel like they have power. I definitely think you hit the nail on the head about your light attracting the dark Helenvalentina. The dark covets the light, it wants what it has. But the light threatens the dark so the dark tries to destroy it.

      • Very wise reflections my friend, very wise!! 🙂 🙂

  9. Chatty Owl says:

    We all have moments like that from time to time.. But not everyone knows how to turn those feelings into words of beautiful poetry.

  10. This is incredible visceral filled with pain. You manage to blow me away everyday!

  11. bryteline says:

    The first two longer strophes are really striking, and the concrete imagery throughout the poem springs to life. I find myself distracted by the reprieves in italics and some of the more abstract lines but overall this piece leaves a lasting impression. I dig it.

    • Thank you – it interesting if the italics were distracting…they were meant to be like a second voice in the head of the person..perhaps that didn’t work…will think about it more. I appreciate the feedback!! 🙂 🙂

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