A lacuna
in my soul
Hollow spaces
where the light
cannot penetrate
and the dark
refuses to dwell
It is all
shades of grey
The colour of uncertainty
the tone of doubt
Belief eludes me
though I seek it
like a friend
who never calls
I cannot know
I cannot know
And in not knowing
where may I rest?
Those with faith
with that capacity
to believe
humble me
I rely on evidence
yet I know it lies
My heart seeks certainty
in any other guise
A moment of belief
with doubt’s approach
just dies…
And yet I try
As the mystic
seeks the Beloved
for a centre
I seek to find
something stable
to fill the emptiness
that seems engraved
within me
It is knowing
I could be wrong
but unable to comprehend
the error
that holds me from
any sense
I may yet be right
A lacuna
in my soul
Eats me slowly
from the inside
until nothing is left
but my breath.
(c) Helen Valentina 2013, All Rights Reserved
helenvalentina 
Did you read The Lacuna by Barbara Kingslover? I am curious since it is a new release if it is perhaps where the inspiration for this poem originated?
No, haven’t heard of the book but will check it out. Years ago I read a book about irish poets and balladeers and they talked there about the drive to write in Ireland, linking it to the history of the land, and talked about a lacuna within them that possibly fired their creativity – it seemed a marvellously poetic insight to help explain the beauty of so much of the irish writing and so the concept of a lacuna in the soul has always stayed with me. When I thought abut trying to write about the internal conflict I have with doubt the term returned to me and seemed appropriate, albeit for a different theme and reason 🙂
that’s the problem with faith and doubt 🙂 i wish i could throw the two away 🙂
Yes, can’t have one with out the other it seems..or at least I can’t. It’s like that old joke ‘I’d say I was indecisive but I’m not really sure…’ 🙂
One of the major frustrations of intelligence, brilliantly conveyed. I’ve felt like this so often, I sometimes choose to just have faith in doubt.
Thank you! That’s probably a sensible way to settle the internal debate this causes! 🙂
Brilliant, brilliant! Every single word touched me inside. You have topped yourself again, my friend! W-w-w-ow!!!! 🙂
Thank you so much…this one really cuts to the core of what goes on in my head sometimes!! 🙂
This is excellent – every word! 🙂 And I can relate so much to what you have said here, I like evidence too, but as for a lot of things in this life, finding the evidence is near impossible. 🙂
Thank you, yes! or being sure the evidence is all the evidence you need, so therefore can be relied on…. 🙂
It all comes back to the breath…
It does indeed, it does indeed! 🙂
Excellent piece of work! Will I ever stop complimenting your skills with words? I think not 🙂
Thank you so much, you are so very kind! 🙂
Oh, Helen, I could truly feel the internal struggle. I guess the only peace is that you are not alone in the struggle to reconcile it all. Your work amazes me.
Thank you, I knew you would understand/feel this piece given how strong your faith is. 🙂